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Joke of the Day
"Nothing says defeat than deleting your own tweet."
Next Joke
"There was a convention for lazy-eyed bachelors and bachelorettes. There was a massive turn out: Most of them ended with a perfect mate.... You could say that their eyes crossed in a crowded room."
"How many Freuds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis... I meant... The ladder."
"that I like being lazy more..."
"Some idiot asked me what the 27th letter of the Arabic alphabet is... And all I could say was, ""Wow""."
"African conservationists call for the ban on hunting hippopotamus to be lifted, citing environmental concerns. To me the whole thing seems so hippocritical."
"Kids we are running late let's go! *Kids I'm going to count every stair on the way down with out my shoes on.*"
"Where was the first chicken fried? In Greece."
"Q: What's a tongue twister? A: When your tang gets all tongueled up."
"When someone asks me where I see myself in 5 years... I dunno...I don't have 2020 vision."