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Joke of the Day

"[leans against bus stop as bus approaches & winks at girl waiting] I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."

"What does a rich fat Englishman gain? Lots of Pounds."

"My brother got his will tattooed on his dick.... ....but it didn't stand up in court"

"If eye fucking is a thing, my husband probably has opthalmic herpes from Haley at the burrito store."

"What do tornadoes and blondes have in common? When they show up there's a lot of sucking and blowing, but when they're gone, your house and car are gone too."

"Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life."

"Why is Chicago called the Windy City? Because Indiana sucks and Wisconsin blows"

"What do you call the ghost of a Native American accordion player? Pocahontas"

"I was really missing school But I collected myself, took a few deep breaths, focused, reloaded my gun, and started nailing the little bastards."

"I heard a 7 year old tell this amazing joke the other day. What is Mario's favorite material? Denim denim denim! *musical*"