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Joke of the Day

"Wake Up People! Ottoman cannons can't melt Byzantine walls! The Fall of Constantinople was an inside job!"

"Blind dates are the best because they can't see me stealing all of the food from their plate"

"I've finally understood the meaning of ""politics"" It's derived from ""poly"", the Greek word for ""many"", and ""tics"", a blood sucking parasite."

"Someone told me I was ""good people"" and I replied ""OMG you can hear them too?"""

"I've been going to the gym for five years now and I still don't have abs. It sucks being the cleaner."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick down your moms throat!"

"QUESTION: How long does a United States Congressman serve? ANSWER: Until he gets caught."

"PARENTS: When someone offers you drugs, you say no! ME (going out into the world): I'm ready [literally no one offers me drugs ever]"

"Last night I was laying in bed, looking at the stars... And then I wondered, Where the fuck did my roof go?"

"What do lesbians and chinese people have in common They both like to eat pussy"