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Joke of the Day

"My biggest fear is dying in a car accident that doesn't totally destroy my phone"

"Dude's trunk just popped open in front of me on the expressway ramp. I instinctively looked to see if any of you were in there."

"Only a few weeks left before Election Day in the US and I am still undecided... ...if I should move to Canada or New Zealand."

"My phone just autocorrected ""doofus"" to ""doodie""...and I thought *I* was immature."

"Why did the M&M 's go to college? Because they wanted to be smarties."

"A bubble floats into a bar . . . The bartender asks, ""What do you want?"" The bubble says, ""Pop."""

"What did Caesar say when was in agreement? I came. I saw. I concurred."

"We shouldn't point out other people's grammar mistakes because one day it will be you're turn. Yore turn. You are turn. Goddamn it."

"I am not racist, I love black people. In fact, I love them so much that I think we should all have our own."

"Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth? That would be a midwife crisis"