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Joke of the Day

"Can you imagine if none of the midwives showed up for a birth? That would be a midwife crisis"

"My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool."

"Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair"

"What do you call a mexican who has a rubber toe and lost his car, Robert carlos"

"Why is James Bond's favourite bartender played by Michael J Fox? He doesn't need to tell him to shake the martini."

"I went to a place to buy some weed, turns out they didn't have any but they sold some shoes... I don't know what those things were laced with but I was tripping all over the place."

"A recent study has linked alcohol to the risk of stroke in women... but i got a dick so lets drink!"

"What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup? Everyone can chop beef, but no one can pee soup!"

"When I say, ""No problem,"" I mean, ""YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOR FOREVER."""

"1)Buy a plastic phone 2)Walk next to a stranger 3)Whisper into phone ""It's done. He's dead."" 4)Remove batteries & throw phone in a trash can"