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Joke of the Day

"My phone just autocorrected ""doofus"" to ""doodie""...and I thought *I* was immature."

"What Did the Janitor Say When He Jumped Out of the Closet? ""Supplies!"" I'll see myself out"

"Did you see the video of the woman on her period with a yeast infection? It was bloodcurdling."

"On this day in history: people related to you whose names you do not know performed actions that were never recorded."

"I dare McDonald's to introduce a black Hamburglar. I McDouble dare them."

"Despite what everyone says, I don't think your mom is a ""dirty pirate whore"". She's actually quite clean for a pirate whore."

"[Red Lobster] Waiter: we're offering Endless Shrimp. Me: bring me the endless shrimp <5 days later> Waiter: please leave, I have a family"

"I apologize for pinching your lips closed when you started telling me about your kids"

"Why did the boy jump up and down on the letter? He heard that you have to stamp letters or the post office won't send them."

"We were called to the Paralympics this year. Several wheelchair athletes were caught using the banned substance WD40."