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Joke of the Day

"[Picking up girls] Me: you like bad boys, huh? Girls: yea Me to my wing man: tell them Wing man: he's just literally the worst"

"I can't believe that... after all the times my girlfriend called me ""daddy"", she still didn't get me anything for Father's Day."

"Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass afterdrinking too much. Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made ofhimself."

"If you know there's going to be a nuclear attack, surround yourself with a bunch of microwave popcorn. Awesome last image."

"A gymnast walks into a bar. She is promptly deducted five points"

"How does NASA organize parties? First they planet then the stars comet."

"older woman => young dude: cougarnolder man => young women: manthernolder man => younger men: faguarnolder woman => younger women: sheetah"

"A priest, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar... ..and the barman says, ""What is this, some kinda joke?"""

"Spoiler alert for the lady in this line, repeatedly asking her newborn 'what's wrong?' Its not gonna answer ya."

"Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear."