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Joke of the Day

"Scared of eating genetically modified fruit? Grow a pear."

"Julius Caesar goes into a bar... ... and asks for a martinus. Puzzled, the bartender asks, ""Do you mean a martini?"" ""No. Just one, please."""

"What do you call a blind german? A not-see"

"""This undercooked pasta is an absolute car crash"" What do you mean? ""It's all denty"""

"I really hate picketing but I don't know how to show it! RIP Mitch"

"My favorite party game is taking a drink every time I feel insecure amidst the surrounding group of people."

"The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information"

"Whats the difference between a priest and acne? Acne waits till you're 12 to come on your face"

"What do Roman Doctors call I.V.s? Fours"

"Why did Jesus get all the ladies? Because he was hung like this (extends arms to sides)"