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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the magician that turned his family into a 3-piece suite but couldn't change them back? They were rushed to hospital where staff described them as ""comfortable""."

"Ever hear about the Mexican Train Killer? I heard he had locomotives."

"Kylo Ren: I can't read your mind! How are you resisting me?! Rey: Occlumency lessons from Professor Snape."

"Roy Hodgson has some really important decisions to make now. Like if he wants a window or aisle seat."

"What is flat, at the center of the universe, and warming?"

"I once had a substitute that had no rules, except for no Smashmouth. I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face."

"It's so hot outside... I'm sweating like a poodle at Michael Vicks house."

"How do you fit an elephant in the subway? (x-post) You take the 'S' out of sub, and the 'F' out of way."

"I'm so tired of people saying Hillary sucks... She doesn't. Just ask Bill and Monica."

"My roommate said he was going to quite masterbating I asked how that was going. He said, ""I don't know man I just haven't been feeling myself."""