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Joke of the Day

"What is flat, at the center of the universe, and warming?"

"Why did the Scarecrow get a promotion? ... because he was outstanding in his field!"

"God: [returning from year-long sabbatical] So, how's 2016 been? Did you cope OK? Intern who was left in charge: [looks awkward] Yep. Fine."

"""Knock Knock."" ""Who's there?"" ""It's the Police, sir."" ""You'll have to wait, I'm having a shit."" ""We know, Sir, the Phone Box has glass sides!"""

"Dear guy sitting next to me at the bar wearing camouflage: I can still see you."

"What is dill bread made from? Dill dough."

"Netflix: Want to keep watching? Me: Do we really need to do this? Netflix: It's just, it's been 75 hours and I can hear your kids crying."

"WIFE: I can't believe you slept with my twin thinking it was me ME: Cut me some slack he was wearing your perfume"

"I rode a taxi It was fake"

"What do you call a Filipino contortionist? A manila folder!!!"