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Joke of the Day

"My roommate said he was going to quite masterbating I asked how that was going. He said, ""I don't know man I just haven't been feeling myself."""

"Why is Europe like a frying pan?? They both have Greece at the bottom!!"

"I just put on a Apple sticker to my Toshiba laptop.. .. so it's now called a Macintoshiba!"

"*dims the lights so you look like your selfies*"

"My girlfriend of 5 years asked me... My girlfriend of 5 years asked me when was the last time I had sex with someone before her. I said ""back in '09"". It sounds much better than saying September."

"Why was Easter the aardvark's favorite holiday? Because he liked aard-boiled eggs!"

"How does a Jewish guy make beer? Hebrews it. :)"

"Why do lesbians shop at sports authority? Because the don't like dicks."

"Why was the Cyclops a terrible teacher? He only had one pupil."

"Fun prank: Find a sleeping spider, crawl in its mouth and lay your eggs. Turn the tables. Give nature the finger. Live it up."