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Joke of the Day

"My roommate said he was going to quite masterbating I asked how that was going. He said, ""I don't know man I just haven't been feeling myself."""

"5: I went potty. Me: Did you remember to wipe this time? 5: No. Me: Why? 5: It's faster my way. I don't know how to counter that argument."

"I tried to explain what integers are It was pointless"

"People who don't know how to merge onto the highway, there's a bus pass for that."

"Slowly, Waldo's wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together"

"What's the best thing about an 8 year old in the shower?..... You can slick her hair back and make her look 6."

"I'd make a joke about albinism but... I'm afraid it would be off-color."

"5 years from now it'll be 2020... I can see it now... That's a perfect vision joke."

"*Orders pizza* What a night *Phone buzzes* And a text? Killing it *checks phone* ok that was the pizza confirmation but still cruising"

"What is a Queens job? She Queens and vacuums"