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Joke of the Day

"How do you fit an elephant in the subway? (x-post) You take the 'S' out of sub, and the 'F' out of way."

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"*tree falls in the forest* *tree pretends to start jogging so it doesn't look like an idiot*"
"The movies were right about monkeys ruling the world. They came from Baltimore."
"How many punks does it take to change a light bulb? None. Punks never changed anything."
"Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughing? Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round."
"A man walks into a fancy dress party in calvin klein briefs... The host asks him 'what are you dressed as?' Premature ejaculation. I just came in my pants."
"Me: ""I need a home improvement loan."" Banker: ""What will you be using the money for?"" Me: ""A divorce lawyer."""
"So a deer walks out of the woods and says... That's the last time I will ever do that for two bucks"
"Do you want to celebrate!? It's the year of the cock."
"What insect does a neckbeard keep as a pet? M'ladybug"