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Joke of the Day

"I woke up to find that someone pooped in my slow cooker. What a crock of shit!"

"Fifth Third Bank? I don't think you understand how to number things, which is something I generally look for in a bank."

"A woman walks into a bar... turns out, it was actually a kitchen."

"Did you hear about the actress who died? SO: ""Did you hear about that actress who died? Reese...Reese..? Me: ""Witherspoon?"" SO: ""No. With a knife."" Me: ""..."" Legitimate laughter ensued."

"A blind woman told me she thought I had some good girth on my cock I think she was just pulling my leg."

"Uh oh, happy facebook newlywed, your husband just created a twitter account."

"We were so high at the movies that I tried find my seatbelt and my friend helped me look for it."

"Is the Paleo diet the one where you only eat dinosaurs?"

"what do you call a fraction where the numerator is bigger than the denominator?(dirty joke) missionary position."

"What do you call a person who hates fat people? Weighcist"