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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the actress who died? SO: ""Did you hear about that actress who died? Reese...Reese..? Me: ""Witherspoon?"" SO: ""No. With a knife."" Me: ""..."" Legitimate laughter ensued."

"I will carry 17 grocery bags or die trying before making two trips."

"why don't lions like clowns? they taste funny"

"Why don't shrimp donate to charities? Because they're shellfish."

"What do you call a Lesbian with long fingers Well Hung"

"I Wish I was a Wal Mart Truck Driver... Because I missed Tracy Morgan on Saturday."

"No Valentine On Valentines Day? Don't worry if you don't have a valentine on valentine's day.. Most people don't even have AIDS on World AIDS day.."

"Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission."

"Did you guys hear about that weird snapchat knockoff that only lets you send pictures of sausages? It has the wurst ratings."

"The Commandments 1) def don't kill 2) no stealing, obvs 3) don't say my name? idk 4) luv ur neighbs! 5) but don't LOVE-love them, that's bad"