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Joke of the Day
"We were so high at the movies that I tried find my seatbelt and my friend helped me look for it."
Next Joke
"What color were Hitler's shits? Eva Brown!"
"What do you call a girl that sleeps with you for your Adderall? A total attention whore."
"A guy from Michigan dies and wake up in Hell. ""At least I'm still in Michigan."""
"I've had insomnia so much it is starting to worry me. But I won't lose any sleep over it."
"You'd think that when two atoms in a salt bond, they're being kind by sharing electrons, but actually, one atom is stealing the electron from the other. Isn't it ionic?"
"A duck walks into a pharmacy and buys some chapstick. He says to the cashier ""put it on my bill""."
"When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. (oldie but goodie)"
"Q: How do you say ""take a shit"" in Japanese? A: Shit-take Q: How do you say ""took a shit"" in Japanese? A: Shit-take-mashita"
"Whenever you see me on screen, just know there's a highly likely chance I was 20% acting and 80% thinking about what's for lunch"