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Joke of the Day

"Watching your wife in childbirth... Is like watching your favourite pub burn down."

"My girlfriend has a pet and I had a pet chicken. Her donkey ate my chicken. Now, I have my cock inside her ass this whole time."

"""Write this down."" [Moses grabs tablet] ""Thou shalt have no other Gods bef-"" ""Slow down, fella. It's gonna take me an hour to carve 'Thou'."""

"what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry."

"Q: What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A: The car salesman can probably drive!"

"(Dad joke warning) What was the almond tree doing all damn summer long? Nuttin'"

"A termite walks into a bar and asks ""is the bartender here?"" Is the bar tender here?"

"Wife: y is a penguin w an umbrella in the- Me:*points to dog dressed as batman* so Bark Wayne isnt bored W: M: he needs an arch enemy, Karen"

"What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? - A woman that won't do what she's told."

"When I was a kid we didn't add flavor to our medicine and it tasted like shit but we liked it because we liked being not dead."