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Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid we didn't add flavor to our medicine and it tasted like shit but we liked it because we liked being not dead."

"What do you call a pig who overacts? A ham ham."

"First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No it's imagination."

"A rabbi, a priest, and an imam walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, ""What is this? A joke?"""

"Me: grandma have you ever tried Five Guys? Grandma: at once?! *in case you don't know, Five Guys is a burger joint*"

"What do you get if you inject a baby goat with chimpanzee DNA? Thrown out of the petting zoo."

"NO. Absolutely not. I do not want to see your stupid cat video I've seen a billion cat vid-yeah ok let me see"

"A Donkey fell into a bowl of sugar. Now that's a sweet ass!"

"A man asked for directions to the guillotine festival... It's just ahead."

"Logged out of Twitter for a few hours... Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family."