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Joke of the Day

"-Can you describe the jellyfish that stung you? -Yes, it looked like a lazy toddler tried to draw an octopus."

"Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely."

"(Adobe CEO's house) Like the new couch hun? Update it. What about the wallpap... UPDATE IT ALL. You're scaring the ki... UPDATE THEM TOO..."

"You think you can take me, tough guy? I'd like to see you try. Seriously, anywhere fun you might be going. Take me with."

"Dr. Dre Beats."

"What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef."

"How can you tell that your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting into your wife's clothes."

"Lesbian Joke Why can't lesbians wear make-up and go on a diet at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig when Mary Kay is already on her face."

"eBay is so useless. I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches."

"Karma is like 69: ""You get, what you give"