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Joke of the Day

"My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues."

"GF: What's my biggest flaw? ME: You haven't got any, you're perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up"

"""Doctor, I'm afraid of people yelling letters of the alphabet at me."" THERAPIST: Oh! You are? WHY???"

"Finally some good news for the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH370. Their luggage has landed safely in Manchester."

"Girls in Thailand are like a box of chocolates Some of them have nuts"

"When my friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo... ...I just had to put my foot down..."

"I was going to ask you to have anal sex with me... Butt fuck it."

"""Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha"" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] ""Actually it's lasagna"""

"Thought for today: Each day is a gift from God ... but not Monday, it was regifted by Satan."

"What is a Canadian's favorite nirvana song? All Apologies"