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Joke of the Day

"GF: What's my biggest flaw? ME: You haven't got any, you're perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up"

"Life is like toilet paper... ... you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"I bought theater food once. Long story short my son will no longer be going to college.."

"My doctor said I needed to reduce stress. Great, now I have that to worry about."

"If Jehovah's witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I'd gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion."

"Little Johnny comes home one day... and says, ""Mom! Little Mark next door has a penis like a peanut!"" ""What do you mean, Johnny? Is it shaped like a peanut?"" ""No,"" says Johnny. ""It's salty"""

"Besides OP's mom, Which character would you like to have seen more of on the Andy Griffith show?"

"What sound does a bloated dead horse make when you beat it? If you're still waiting for a punchline, why are you here?"

"What's Harley Quinn's favourite rap group? Insane Clown Pussy."

"What Saudi funded event ended in a massive collapse on 9/11? Hillary Clinton's campaign."