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Joke of the Day

"GF: What's my biggest flaw? ME: You haven't got any, you're perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up"

"My girlfriend accused me of cheating She sure is starting to sound like my wife"

"Bad news: I just stepped on the cat. Even worse news: I think I just created a Nicki Minaj song."

"Which political discussions between the Russians and Americans keenly interest Burger Land citizens? The SALT talks!"

"I married a hot girl from China So I can eat Chinese every night!"

"What is the most common french saying? ""nous abandonnons"""

"To all new iPad owners. When you masturbate in front of your new device, make sure to put some porn on its screen to avoid embarrassment."

"Freddie Mercury: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me Chorus of Dads: HI JUST A POOR BOY, I'M DAD! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY"

"If you ever come across a bear in the wild, throw a tiny bicycle at him. Then, just let his circus instincts take care of the rest."

"Get two dogs and name them 'one' and 'two'. Because if one runs away, you'll still have two."