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Joke of the Day

"I was going to ask you to have anal sex with me... Butt fuck it."

"Guys guide to AC levels in car with spouse: If you're hot, she's cold If you're comfortable, she's cold If you're cold, she's not in the car"

"It's so humid today I keep expecting a southern lawyer to do his closing argument."

"I almost got raped in jail one time. I tell you, my family takes Monopoly way too seriously."

"The Mayor of Flint, Michigan will be fired. Who will lead the city then?"

"Small cars are the best ones Only Smart people will get this"

"I like Tuesday simply because it is literally the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be."

"What do you call gigabytes in Africa? They can't afford computers in Africa."

"What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after 3 Ho's"

"For the English Q: What do you say to someone who appears to have done irreparable harm to themselves despite multiple warnings to the contrary? A: U.K. ?"