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Joke of the Day

"Thought for today: Each day is a gift from God ... but not Monday, it was regifted by Satan."

"I could understand Eve's choice to doom all of humanity if she'd been offered nachos. But an apple? My ovaries are not amused."

"I can be up bright or early. Pick one."

"I like to hold hands at the movies. Which always seems to startle strangers."

"What did the Latin guy say after he had sex? Veni. Veni. Veni."

"Your momma so slutty... ...her spirit animal is the swallow."

"Now, if we could only get some white smoke to come out of the White House's chimney."

"Jared from subway really took the company motto seriously. You could say he liked to ""eat fresh"""

"A thousand millibar go into a bar... ..."

"How did the steak chef at the courthouse like his paycheck? In legal tender"