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Joke of the Day
"Thought for today: Each day is a gift from God ... but not Monday, it was regifted by Satan."
Next Joke
"[getting pulled over] Me: R u a bear cop? Bear cop: Is that a problem? Me: As long as you're not a maul cop *mauls me for bad pun*"
"Sometimes I just like to sit on the couch and do nothing for 3 years."
"What does a man with a 10 inch dick have for breakfast? Well, this morning I had bacon, eggs, juice..."
"Please ignore this tweet, I'm pretending to be adding a coworker's phone number."
"Age and sport Men at 26 plays football, Men at 40 plays tennis, Men at 60 plays golf, have you noticed every time you get older your ball gets smaller"
"I never feel entirely comfortable leaving a music gig... It's disconcerting."
"What do you call a Chicken with lettuce on its eyes? Chicken Caesar salad."
"Wasn't gay marriage always legal? Because I know that people have been happy on their wedding day."
"A dating app called ""Hinder"" where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything."