50919

Joke of the Day

"""Now?"" ""Not yet."" ""Now?"" ""Not quite."" *Car approaches* ""Now?"" ""Now."" -Deer crossing the road"

"Did you hear about the campers with explosive diarrhea? That shi* was intense."

"I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography"

"How are the homeless like votes? Republicans have them thrown out."

"A woman's heart is as tender, vulnerable and fragile as a man's balls. Don't break hers and she won't break yours."

"How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb? None they all screw in sleeping bags."

"A Priest and a Rabbi observe a 10-year old boy walking down the street. Priest: Wanna fuck him? Rabbi: Out of what?"

"Mum: Jackie go outside and play with your whistle. Your father can't read his paper. Jackie: Wow I'm only eight and I can read it"

"Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen"

"Judge: order in the court, ORDER IN THE COURT Me on the witness stand:*lips pressed against the mic* 2 hot dogs and a milkshake, your honor"