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Joke of the Day

"How much for a haircut? Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave? Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head."

"Pilot makes a sudden sharp turn, comes on speaker ""Just kidding!! Attendants will be by with new underwear. Have a nice flight everybody."""

"Twenty years ago my mother almost aborted my brother. Yesterday he died in a fight with a cloakroom attendant. The coathanger still got him in the end."

"Did you hear about the priest who got caught kissing a nun? He was let off with a warning not to get into the habit."

"What did the broken bridge say? I have truss issues."

"Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA ""Gosh!"" he said ""If n only that job was in Texas Ah'd take it!"""

"Say pns U just said penis :)"

"Didja hear about the LGBT DJ in Paris who'll only play 50's US rock songs? Yeah - he calls himself ... wait for it ... Cousine Brucie"

"What can turn a fruit into a vegetable? Jeffrey Dahmer!"

"May the bards singeth this song henceforth on the 31st of August Oh my god its a happening My balls I am a grappling A tree grown from a sapling On the day that was the fappening"