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Joke of the Day

"I didn't choose the thug life, the thug life chose me; mistakenly as it were because I have the nerves of a guinea pig and puke when I cry."

"Reddit, what is the most disgusting joke you know of? I'll start What does eating yoghurt and a girl on her period have in common? You never know when the lumps appear..."

"Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the telly. -Tim Vine"

"I think my washing machine used to belong to Usain Bolt. It has a setting for fast coloureds."

"If one ex was drowning and the other was dangling from a cliff-edge and you had one set of ropes to save them....where would you hide it?"

"Jackson Pollock - great painter piss poor pictionary partner"

"What kind of money do polar bears use ? Ice lolly !"

"The US can't rely on Hillary Clinton to create jobs The last meaningful job Hillary had was outsourced to Monica Lewinsky... ...and Monica blew it!"

"Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !"

"What would Kim Jong Un call his children? His young'uns"