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Joke of the Day

"Havent picked sides in Gamer gate yet.. which do I like more.. the entire female gender or the thing where I pretend to kill people on Tv.."

"why can't coffee conduct electricity? because it is grounded"

"What the person on the street corner approaching me w a pamphlet doesn't understand is I want the world to end"

"What did the ghost give his girlfriend on Halloween? A ""booquet"" of flower."

"On Canada Day, I like to say ""HAPPY CANADA DAY!"" to people. But quietly. And from a distance. I don't want to be a bother."

"There's a restaurant in hell. Their food is to die for."

"I heard that sadomasochistic vegans like to get beet and artichoked. Some even like getting pead on. Don't turnip your nose at this."

"Texts that piss me off: 1. Yeah 2. Oh 3. Yup 4. Lol 5. Haha 6. K 7. Nope 8. Chillin 9. Naw"

"If you are trading Cephalopods, it's important that you exchange those that are of equal size and value. You know.... Squid Pro Quo"

"I like my beer like I enjoy my violence. Domestic."