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Joke of the Day

"On Canada Day, I like to say ""HAPPY CANADA DAY!"" to people. But quietly. And from a distance. I don't want to be a bother."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He ate his food before it was cool"

"I saw a sign yesterday that said ""watch for children"" I thought it was a good trade"

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."

"Did you know King Solomon made love to 1000 virgins but he never enjoyed great sex :-P"

"How many Heisenbergs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? If you know the number, you don't know where the socket is."

"I'm going to use a bomb to break into Fort Knox. EDIT: Wow this blew up! Thanks for the gold!"

"A Baby Seal Walks Into A Club... I'll see myself out."

"$100 dollar bill.... a guy leaves of a building and looks up and says that $100 bill is mine, that $100 dollar bill is mine, and dies crushed by a mattress."

"Our parenting style can best be described as: Bad cop, Bozo cop"