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Joke of the Day

"I heard that sadomasochistic vegans like to get beet and artichoked. Some even like getting pead on. Don't turnip your nose at this."

"What do Australians and wetting yourself in the basement have in common? They're both incontinence down under."

"We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea Runs in our jeans."

"Friend apologizes for mess. Friend has immaculate house. Open her closet. Out comes 78 books, a piano and a gentleman squirrel in a top hat."

"The best way to prevent the next generation from stealing your lunch... Is to not show them where your lunch is. Because you forgot where you left your lunch."

"Idea: A Transformers movie that can transform into a much better movie."

"I just gave my cat a bath. Your move Satan."

"What do you do once you're done raping Helen Keller? Break her fingers"

"What's the difference between Bernie Sanders and a coconut? Coconuts have hair"

"Two gallons of milk sat within a fridge One was spoiled and the other was chocolate. Where did the spoiled milk sit? On the top shelf. Where did the chocolate milk sit? In the back."