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Joke of the Day

"""Pistorius"" sounds like a spell Harry Potter would use to make someone's legs disappear That's a Frankie Boyle joke"

"It's normal to have conflicting feelings on Columbus Day. True, he discovered the Greatest Nation on Earth, but he also supported Obamacare."

"What did the egg say after he was put in a pot of boiling water? I just got laid by a chick and now I'm getting hard."

"I recently started a company that combines Perchloric Acid with random elements... So far you could say Bismuth is booming."

"According to the NSA, most of my calls are me saying, ""I forgot what you told me to pick up at the store."""

"Who were the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat."

"Clinton is MY president! His second term is about to end but I truly loved his presidency -Sent from internet explorer"

"My sister-in-law had a miscarriage Does that raise or lower her kill-death ratio?"

"Apparently 1 in 5 of us live next to a paedophile.. Not me though, I live next to a gorgeous 8 year old."

"Whenever someone says they hate cats and they're all shitty and snobby about it, I'm like, ""Weird cuz you behave JUST like one."""