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Joke of the Day

"Apparently 1 in 5 of us live next to a paedophile.. Not me though, I live next to a gorgeous 8 year old."

"How many dicks do you have to suck before you know you're gay? Three, two for fun and one just to make sure."

"Never look at the guy riding a unicycle, you're giving him what he wants"

"What time does Wimbledon start? Tennish"

"""How do you know that God isn't a woman?"" Because I'm not a sandwich."

"I often think ""Why would anyone live in Gotham? It's a shithole!"", but then you choose to live in the shithole that is [YOUR CITY NAME]."

"When my girlfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo I had to put my foot down"

"The last 60+ Miss Universe pageant winners have been from earth I don't know man, seems fixed."

"Why is the peanut crying? Because he couldn't handle his roast"

"I'm terrible at keeping track of appointments so I signed up for a time management class. I showed up for class *a week late.* [Heard just now on Freakonomics.]"