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Joke of the Day

"which 2 insects are the most foolish? ant-ticks"

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"How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but they have to be very small."
"Girls who draw their eyebrows on may as well do them with a disappointed expression because yeah no thanks."
"""Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl"" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store."
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"I think my first girlfriend broke up with me because anytime she called me crying I'd say, ""What's the matter? You sound really fat."""
"What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head? Duck."
"I miss being in a relationship. Could 1 of you girls come over here and yell at me, treat me like shi t and not sleep with me? It might help."