140747

Joke of the Day

"What's your favorite thing about earth? It's just got such a great atmosphere."

"I know we're not supposed to say this, but our second black president looks just like our first black president to me."

"I have a Muslim friend with a Note 7... It only gets awkward when he shouts ""Allahu Akbar"" when plugging it in."

"Everyone thought you could get a writing job from twitter but that never happens anymore its only for things like becoming the president"

"[at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* ""STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"""

"My girlfriend left me today because I have developed a pasta touching fetish. I've been feeling Canneloni ever since. :'("

"Pinocchio How did Pinocchio find out he had a wooden dick? His hand caught on fire."

"Buddy of mine asked what will happen if Trump got elected... I replied, ""There will be hell toupee"""

"Why can we never actually see the sun? Because it's in da-skies!"

"Yo mommas so ugly... Scorpion says ""STAY OVER THERE"""