50008

Joke of the Day

"I never understood why people get buried in suits. When I die bury me in my PJ's. If I'm gonna be sleeping that long I wanna be comfortable."

"When your parents get old, you take care of them the way they took care of you when you were young. Which is why I gave my kids heroin."

"I once had a job circus sizing elephants. The pay was lowsy, but the tips were huge!"

"The seventh rule of Fight Club is no one leaves until ALL the chairs are put away."

"whenevre macklemore says ""im gonna pop some tags"" i jus pictur him sittimg in his basement, silently taggimg himself in photos on facebook"

"I haven't really been as disappointed as I was when I realised that the movie 'Breakfast Club', actually had nothing to do with food"

"I just realized... I've been on reddit ALL FUCKING YEAR!"

"What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings? I'm sari."

"I kinda want Hillary to win the US election Just for the sheer irony of her sitting at the desk Monica was under."

"How do you know your wife is getting vat... ... you have to switch off the light during sex. Not because she's ugly but because the bulb burns your ass."