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Joke of the Day

"The seventh rule of Fight Club is no one leaves until ALL the chairs are put away."

"I'm trying to stop... I'm trying to stop masturbating. It's really hard."

"I tried to catch some fog the other day... Mist."

"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."

"My friend asked me to name my top 5 Coldplay songs... And they were all yellow."

"i bet all the girls say ""i bet you say that to all the girls"" to all the guys."

"Did you hear about the fight in the candy store? Two suckers got licked"

"Getting colagen injections in my lips next week 'cause, you know, 'tis the season to be Jolie."

"Need more time? Scientifically proved. Those who celebrate more birthdays, live more time."

"Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?"