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Joke of the Day

"What did one bolt of cloth say to the other bolt of cloth after hurting its feelings? I'm sari."

"Did you hear about the emotional wedding? Even the cake was in tiers!"

"Frankly, I adore your mom. She said I'm the funniest motherfucker that's ever been up in this bitch! And she wasn't talking about Twitter."

"What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day? Patty O'Furniture."

"A Priest And A Rabbi Are Sitting On A Park Bench Watching Kids Play... Priest - ""Hey rabbi, want to help me screw these kids?"" Rabbi-""Screw them out of what?"""

"So the past, present, and future walk into a bar. It gets really tense."

"Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am, can you fucking believe that, 2:30am. Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes."

"Hired a gardener today and gave him a list of things to do. When I got back home he'd only done tasks 1,3 & 5. Turns out he's an odd job man."

"I leaked a sex tape of myself 3 months ago. It has 14 hits! Those hits are from me checking to see how many hits it has."