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Joke of the Day

"If you dropped two noodles on the floor, they would probably resemble my name more than my signature does..."

"This sub is so inactive There hasn't been a post all year!"

"Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands... Police say that he topped himself."

"The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly."

"Why was Star Wars shot Episodes 4, 5, 6, then 1, 2, 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was"

"Like that scene in 'The Revenant' where Leo is mauled by the bear but it's just me at your wedding reception dancing with your grabby aunt."

"If only humans were more like me, smart and wise and- *I get surprised by the toast I forgot I was making*"

"My mom's so pessimistic... If there was an Olympics for pessimism ... she wouldn't fancy her chances."

"What's a mailmans favorite organ? Da Liver"

"What's the oldest red wine in America? ""Give us back our land!"""