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Joke of the Day

"""OPEN UP, THIS IS THE POLICE!"" haha, no way losers. I've got things to do. *cop whispering* ""what do we do? this guy is owning us hard!"""

"Did you hear about Princess Dianas car crash? She was all over the radio. And the dash. And the windshield..."

"There's a sticky penis on my doormat... It must've come in the post."

"As I was checking into the hotel I asked, 'Is the porn channel disabled?' The girl at the desk said, 'No, you sick bastard'."

"What do you call someone who raises poultry? A chicken tender."

"How many friend-Zoned Guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed off when it wont screw."

"Why did the Muslim cross the road? His dick was stuck in the goat"

"I got 9 inches last night, 8 inches today and 7 inches coming tonight. Obviously, Winter is happy to see me."

"a car just rolled by blasting the ""Duck Tales"" theme song so now I'm chasing after it and trying to catch up with my new best friend"

"How do you take a Mexican family portrait? Put them in the back of a truck and run a red light."