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Joke of the Day

"How many friend-Zoned Guys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they'll just compliment it and then get pissed off when it wont screw."

"What did the fog say to the grass? I mist you!"

"My wife's resting in the garden. Well, at rest."

"Houston, we have a problem Houston: new phone who dis"

"Without nipples... Boobs would be pointless."

"My social life."

"How many Freudian slips does it take to change a lightboob?"

"I love how binge watching a tv show is now portrayed as a fun activity instead of an expression of deep emotional turmoil and depression"

"I like to date intelligent girls who are taller than me. It keeps me on my toes."

"Last night I dreamt I was walking on a beautiful sandy beach At least that explains the footprints I found this morning in the cat litter box."