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Joke of the Day

"Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit."

"A few simple tips: 1. Don't promise when you're happy. 2. Don't reply when you're angry. 3. Don't decide when you're sad."

"I don't throw anything out anymore I just go to TGIFriday's once a month and glue more shit to the wall no one notices try it"

"I was going to get my certification to be an official Life Coach!... ...but I just never really got around to it."

"A priest, rapist, and pedophile walk into a bar He orders a drink."

"Whats the difference between Sarah Palins mouth and her vagina? Only one retarded thing has come out of her vagina"

"A child was born with no eyelids, so doctors created some using his foreskin It worked okay, but he was a little cockeyed"

"Why do the Vietnamese never eat fruits? Because they had a bad experience with oranges."

"*cop bursts into bathroom* ""KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!"" *toilet is wearing shades* ""damn. we're too late"" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*"

"Lois Lane would probably be terrible at picking out the right suspect in a Police lineup."