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Joke of the Day

"*cop bursts into bathroom* ""KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!"" *toilet is wearing shades* ""damn. we're too late"" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*"

"Three eyes What do you call a pig with three eyes? A piiig What do you call a chimp with three eyes? A chiiimp What do you call a kid with three eyes? Chinese"

"Cheese shop exploded Thankfully I was only hit by da brie"

"My favorite part about the debate tonight!!! Was at the end...when it ended...and it was over."

"I don't know why people are surprised when I tell them my Grandfather Made it out of Auschwitz. Most of the German officers did."

"They'll hate you if you're pretty. They'll hate you if you're not. They'll hate you for what you lack and they'll hate you for what you got"

"How do stick men play fetch with their dog?"

"Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!"

"Two termites walk into a bar... ""Excuse me sir, is the bar tender here?"""

"I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could go in and look around. They said no and slammed the door. My parents can be so rude..."