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Joke of the Day

"I try to keep it gangster, so I just walked into the grocery store and shouted ""Scuze me! Could you direct me to the motha fuckin bakery?!"""

Next Joke
 
"It's weird how all the UFOs started disappearing once our cameras got better."
"If I find myself at Paula Deen's house, I'll be sure to stay out of the kitchen. There's an oven in there. Jews in Stews #paulasbestdishes"
"''Ah fuck it"" -Me. Making decisions."
"I bought a dog from a blacksmith today As soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door!"
"How to get a date with a Clinton supporter today... Baby, want a tissue?"
"When does it become a dad joke? When it was a kid."
"A doorbell that whispers ""hide."""
"I remember the first time I had sex, I put the condom on the wrong way round. The girl looked and me and said, ""You're so stupid"" I said, ""What?"" ""You're supposed to do that before sex."" she replied."
"Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS? He was in Peake condition."