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Joke of the Day
"Why was Timothy, the British astronaut, selected to go to the ISS? He was in Peake condition."
Next Joke
"*glamorously folds laundry *seductively wipes off countertops *slowly bends over to pick up toys *sexily trips over the cat..."
"Q: Why did the sheriff arrest the tree? A: Because its leaves rustled."
"i like shaking hands with old guys with really tough hands because it feels like im grabbing onto a horse saddle"
"And the Lord said unto John... ""Come forth and receive eternal life."" But, John came in fifth and won a toaster."
"Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable."
"What dog is always tired in London? An English sleep dog."
"Daughter text me from upstairs..come here and bring your glasses..that can only mean one thing...we are about to make fun of people on FB..."
"When I die I don't want a big funeral. I'd just like a few of my close friends to get together and try to bring me back to life..."
"*puts little Santa hat on cat* Hahaha Santa claws *puts little Santa hat on dog* Hahaha Santa paws"