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Joke of the Day

"''Ah fuck it"" -Me. Making decisions."

"Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp."

"A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?"

"Organised a threesome last night There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time."

"What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common? The balls are just for decoration"

"Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides."

"If it takes 150 yards of stewed tripe to make a pair of leather britches for a bull, how long does it take for a double breasted cockroach to climb a bar of soft soap? You tell me and we'll both know."

"Good thing ""you only live once"" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal"

"Been a while since I've gone on Spring Break. How many wet T-shirts should I pack?"

"How do you know when your sister is on her period? (NSFW) Your dad's dick tastes like blood."