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Joke of the Day

"""Honey, I'm pregnant"" ""Are you kidding me?"" ""That's another way of saying it, I guess, yeah"""

"What's in a Paul Walker shot ? An Irish car bomb followed by a shot of Fireball"

"When was the last time the Indians were the champions? Before Columbus came."

"What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball"

"Donald Trump, for the first time in his life, he goes and applies for a job And gets the position of President of the US"

"Grammar tip Farther = physical distance Further = metaphorical distance Father = emotional distance"

"Did you hear about that guy who had the entire left half of his body chopped off? He's dead now."

"""What's that?"" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* ""WTH!?!"""

"Things I constantly worry about pressing: 1. ""Like"" while ex stalking 2. Send all drafts 3. A baby's soft spot Yes, this list is in order."

"If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, ""WITCH!"""