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Joke of the Day

"*Hamburglar returns home with bag of hamburgers* *his wife, holding a crying baby, slaps the bag out of his hands* ""WE NEED MONEY, DAMMIT!"""

"I can't help but think that The Last Supper must have been a bit tense... ...with Jesus relating the bread to his broken skin and the wine to his own blood. I bet no one touched the meatballs."

"What do you call scriptures for blind people? The holy braille"

"Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years."

"What is the best way to pick up American girls? With a crane."

"Why did Windows skip 9? Because 7 ate 9."

"Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy? Because Opey never delivered."

"I like my women like I like my weather. 60 and dry."

"The cow goes moo, the sheep goes baa, the cat goes meow... ...the dog goes Ed...Ward."

"I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich. Diagonal = normal Straight = serial killer No cut = dad"