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Joke of the Day

"What pdf reader do Jedis use? The Adobe-Wan Kenobi Reader"

"The first thing I thought when I saw that House Republicans wanted more Congressional Bengazzara hearings... ""This seems a bit much, wasn't *that* bad as Jackie Treehorn"""

"My boyfriend said to surprise him for his birthday so I moved all my stuff into his house while he was at work."

"Little known fact: Arizona's state flower is pavement."

"You guys wanna hear a joke? Ellen Pao"

"I was surprised Oscar Pistorius owned a gun in the first place. I would have thought he preferred blades."

"So a horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""Why the long face?"" The horse responds, ""They wouldn't renew Sex and the City for another season."""

"Barista: Can I get your name? Me: Lisa Barista: Pizza? Me: Yeah, that's fine."

"These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these day--oh goddamn it. Did you glue these to the floor, Carl?!"

"For my birthday, I got a Rolex from my lesbian neighbor. I think she misunderstood me when I told her I wanna watch."