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Joke of the Day

"I was surprised Oscar Pistorius owned a gun in the first place. I would have thought he preferred blades."

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"You find love when you're not looking for it, and you can't find it when you really want to. It's sh!t like this that makes me drink."
"ME: I fell in the shower. HIM: Send pics"
"It's like grandma always said... Make sure you put everything in the medicine cabinet back where you found it or you won't be invited back."
"[interview at the Pringles factory] BOSS: why do you wanna work here? TENNIS BALL: {don't say to take back the tubes} uhh i love curvy chips"
"I've never been to Pilates but I have tried to change clothes in the car."
"My kids lost a Barbie shoe. I dug in the trash and found one. It was from a set they didn't know was missing Now I'm looking for 2 shoes."
"Doctor: ""Why is my waiting room empty?"" Judge: ""I hauled everyone off to court"" Doctor: ""You're trying my patients"""
"What game show do pickles play? Dill or No Dill"
"What did the mute kid say to his friend"
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