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Joke of the Day

"Little known fact: Arizona's state flower is pavement."

"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

"No YOU sober up, lamp."

"With some respect Son: Dad! Get your ass here! Mother: Son, you need to address your father with some respect. Son: Oh, ok. Dad! Get your ass here with some respect!"

"What do you call presents after you've opened them? Pasts"

"Stolen Gate The other day, I looked out my window to see two guys stealing my side gate! I didn't say anything to them though. I didn't want them to take offence."

"How does the Navy separate the men from the boys? ...with a crowbar."

"I told facebook my concerns about lack of privacy; they said they already knew how I felt about it."

"[Calls boss] I'm gonna be late... ""How late?"" *Cut to me trapped inside a tiny house made from Lego* I've no idea to be honest with you..."

"Kanye West is the type off nigga that shows up to a random funeral and say... Why ya'll crying, I'm still alive"