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Joke of the Day

"Hate when I lay out too close to the shoreline and the other beach goers team up to try to push me back in the water."

"This tweet is made from 100% recycled characters."

"Noah: An ark? Full of animals?? God: ... Noah: You even listening?? God: Sorry what? I was checking out the iPhone 6. This thing is garbage."

"Is that a sweet potato in your pants, or are you just oddly shaped?"

"I'm 84% less productive in a swivel chair."

"What happened to the Denver Broncos in the Super Bowl? They had a MetLife crisis. (that's the name of the stadium)"

"Why are the old trees always yelling? They were all petrified."

"An insolent teenager stomps off to her room... Teenager: ""And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"" Dad: ""Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"""

"I hate when people say ""Look at me when I'm talking to you."" I mean, c'mon, one inconvenience at a time."

"Man: ""If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?"" Priest: ""No, not if you did not know."" Man: ""Then why did you tell me?"""