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Joke of the Day

"An insolent teenager stomps off to her room... Teenager: ""And another thing - JIM MORRISON SUCKS!"" Dad: ""Hey! There'll be no slamming of the Doors in this house!"""

"What are the 2 sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken, brown cow."

"I once won an argument with a woman...in this dream I had."

"My trademark fight move is to ask someone very nicely not to hit me or be mean to me."

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can always unscrew a light bulb."

"The bartender says ""Sorry, we don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"We need a ride home. ""I called a Gruber"" Don't you mean an Uber? [villain from 1988 Die Hard arrives in black Prius]"

"People say drugs are bad, but I'm calling complete BS on that. I've only been on meth for 20 minutes and I'm already the king of Jupiter."

"Andy Murray's been detained by anti-corruption officials at the Davis Cup... Apparently he's been operating a racket for years."

"Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown* Me: Sweetie, you need to share Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35"